Coaching T-Ball, Coaching Life

It's baseball season and this is the first time I have ever coached a team that included one of my kids, Colben.  I see these little 5-year-old faces every week that look up to me to see what they are supposed to do.  

I had to ponder what it meant to be a coach.  Is it my job to win?  Is it my job to teach the fundamentals? I am supposed to have fun with the players or be hard and mean, whipping them into shape?  Now you may be thinking that I am over thinking this as it is just T-Ball.  Yet, I realized that the approach, the emotion, the very energy of a coach gets embodied in someway by each of the players.  

In my experience, when the coach expected a lot from me, I expected a lot from myself.   When the coach was disappointed in me, I was disappointed in myself.  When the coach chose me to be on the team, or chose me to be a starter, I felt valued.  When I was not chosen, I felt a sense of worthlessness.

Here are a few impressions I have seen from coaches over the years that I want to avoid as the lessons learned are not how I want my kids to perceive the world:

1.  "It's all about winning"

Life Lesson Learned: Unless you are at the top, unless you are the best, you're not good enough.  This teaches that there has to be a winner and a loser in which the other team is an enemy.

Alternative: "It's all about fun"

Life Lesson Learned: Sports are meant to be enjoyed.  Having a team to play is a gift in which the opposite team are friends for being willing to enjoy the game with you.  In life a win-win always supersedes a win-lose, e.g. diplomacy is better than war.         

2.  "Only the better players can take risks and call the shots"

Life Lesson Learned:  Play it safe until you are the best, then you can take risks.  Always defer taking chances and taking a risk to someone with more authority.  

Alternative: "If you try and miss, adjust and try again"

Life Lesson Learned:  Trying and risking, recovering from failures and mistakes lead to success.

3. "By playing the better players in the best positions, and by playing them longer in these positions I will have a better team"

Life Lesson Learned:  The rich get richer while the poor get poorer.  If you struggle, you will continue to struggle forever always labeled as a bench-warmer.  

Alternative:"If you are on the team, you play as part of the team"

Life Lesson Learned: You deserve the chance to test your skills with others.  By experiencing and growing, you will improve.  Everyone has strengths to offer, and each person needs the chance to grow and test their strengths.       

When I coach, I try to look at the implications my tone, attitude and actions have on the players as I convey to them life lessons through a simple game of T-Ball.  


Written by Jay Melashenko 
Dad and Co-teacher of 3 impressionable boys ages 2,5,&8